Today started pretty well. I had a lesson that started at 10 am, and no babysitter for Niu Niu. That means she had to sit with me for almost 2 hours. It is a big challenge for both of us. Luckily she was so well behaved. She sat in her little chair and played with herself for almost 1 hour. Then the little princess started protesting. But it was just a short cry. I fed her while having the lesson and she fell asleep soundly in my arms.
But it was a very stressful day for me afterwards. Niu Niu didn't want to sleep at all and my arms were just too sour to bare more of her weight. But I will never blame Niu Niu for anything bad of course. Everytime I lay my eyes on her I just can't help smiling and I forget all the pain I have.
What I am really upset is that I was promised for something and it is not happening any more, yet again. This is I don't remember how many times when I was let down. I just felt so trapped. I have been in Sweden for almost 2 years now and the farthest place I have been to is Stockholm University. And if you let me off at Centralen I will probably get lost in a second. Yes, that is how ridiculous the situation is. I was such a traveller, I have climbed a 6000-meter high snow-capped mountain, I have slept in a train station when I ran out of money, I have done so many crazy things, met so many interesting people. Now I am trapped in this tiny apartment, ignorant country, for almost 2 years, without money, without job, without family or friends...Well, you get the picture.
Tuotuo once was the only reason that kept me going and staying, now Niu Niu is the only motivation I got left. I know it is depressing to say this, and I might wake up tomorrow laughing at myself for being so immature. Maybe so, but I am still gonna write this down because it is a status of my thoughts. I am just so tired of being kept in this box and so disappointed of certain things and certain people. I started to doubt whether I have wasted 2 best years of my life in this place. Yes, time to re-think.