At certain points of my life, I started questing my choices again. I just don't remember how I got where I am today. If you ask me whether I am happy or not, I can't really give you a straight answer.
Today I was talking to Tuotuo about him not taking good care of me after I gave birth to Niuniu, and he got upset and walked away on me. He has absolutely no right to be upset with me, because I am the one who had undertaken a lot of pain and sacrifice to nurse the baby, and him at the same time. While I was so sick in bed, he was playing his damned WOW day and night, and treated me like his trashy male roommate, offering me two meals or sometimes one meal a day, and most time frozen ready made food. I am not saying that he didn't offer any help at all, he only offered when I asked. Then the meaning is totally different. It is no longer the gesture of offering any more. And every time I begged for help, he would make signs that he is suffering so much doing anything for me, or he would do every little tiny thing in front of you so you would appreciate it.
To be honest, I am a bit tired for doing everything. This week I, on purpose, didn't do any dishes, and we ran out of clean spoons, forks, Tuotuo, hmmmm, I thought he would clean one or two for his own needs, but no, he started using coffee spoons and desert forks for his food. I am so speechless. These two years, he probably has cooked maximum 10 times, and cleaned the house 5 times, and these times he did it only because I shouted at him. Gosh, I am actually living with a pig! I know he is the cash maker, and he has the right to sit his ass at anywhere, doing anything he wants, but at the same time I am not the kind of woman who is unable to support myself, I don't really need his financial support to live a good life. And I cannot tolerate the fact that he is changing me to his nanny.
What else to say, I really need to get out of this, I have made enough changes of myself, and if he is not willing to do the same, and I see no reason to maintain this relationship.
Seriously speaking, when I think about all the stuff I gave up for him, I am really upset myself now. I haven't enjoyed dating as any young girl would do, and I haven't enjoying myself as a passionate young woman, having fun, and now I ended up cleaning house and nursing baby 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. What for?!!