I don't know why when I typed down this title, I already burst into tears. And I don't know since when I became so weak mentally. It doesn't feel good. I write that I want to sleep because I am writing this line at 4 am, I am extremely tired, but I couldn't sleep. Niu Niu shouted many times during the night, and Tuotuo was snoring like a thunder storm next to me. Oh, the good old days when I can sleep without worries....
Yesterday when I was chatting with my mom I completely lost it, months and months of suppression, depression, all came out in a few seconds, like a flood destroyed the dam. I didn't mean to show it to her, I never wanted to, because I didn't want to worry her. We were just having a cheerful chat about Niu Niu, and I turned the camera to Niu Niu so she won't see my face. But I don't know what happened, my dad was saying something, and I was really upset, so I started raising my voice, then I just started crying. My mom took over the conversation, you know how moms are, they are the only ones who can really feel your pain, but the more mom tried to comfort me, the more bitter and sad I became.
I don't know what happened to my life, it's like dragging thousands of kilos in your wagon, your shoulder is cracking down, and you are still trying to drag it............................Oh gosh, I am afraid to write any more, I am afraid to let my real emotions come out, I know I will write so many depressing and shocking things that even myself feel scared to face.
Oh I wish I have a aladdin lamp! Life needs magic sometimes.