Oh I am so tired of trying and trying to tell how bad I feel inside, words have lost all their meanings in this sense, I just wanted to explain myself in the absolute violence and force. I wanted to hurt myself so badly, I wanted to stick my fingers into my brains and just stir it up. And that is not the case. I don't know what to do. Gosh, I seriously hate being like this, miserable human being, suffering every emotion, and seeing no solution to anything.
I wish I had any courage, so I can put a knife in my chest, or a bottle of pills in my stomach. Tuotuo said he would stay home tomorrow. Yah, like that would help. He could stay home for one day, but can he stay home as long as I am becoming better again?
I am just sooooo exhausted of waiting and hoping that baby will be better, sleep better at night, shout less during day time. The truth is, I don't even have a fucking second to sit down and rest. I am really really sorry about my language. You see, I never use cursing words like this before, and in this case I don't have any other proper words that can really show the storms in my chest.
Such pain and such pain.......Gosh, somebody, please, help me end this nightmare.